Funk Connection

Lisa Paterson - Vocals

Famous for keeping all other band members updated with current perspirational and flatulant issues before during and after gigs, Lisa is loved by all of us for her charming disregard for modesty and dignity. Her personal hygiene is second to none and with the right lighting audiences find her pleasing on the eye providing she stands quite close to Mike.

Mike Ferrie - Vocals

The only real sex appeal in the band, Mike does occasionally complain about the fawning female fans and seemingly endless stream of what could only be described as abusive and degrading offers he has to put up with. Most of the time he puts a brave face on it. Please visit our Frequently Asked Questions section for more information in particular about Mike's skincare regime.

Dave MacIntosh - Bass

Known as desperate Davy by friends, enemies, lovers and his care worker, he is allowed out of the special unit twice a month to perform outrageous acts of extreme funkiness. The only known way of measuring the magnitude of his seismic bass playing is on the richter scale of funk

Andy Davie - Drums

With personal heroes like Brian May and Barry Manilow, and strongly influenced by Michael Keaton's interpretation of Batman,nobody really knows why Andy plays the drums. Best kept as low in the mix as possible with plenty of tambourine, shakers, vibro-slap and clapping from the singers to drown him out. Easier said than done............

Gerry Dawson - Trumpet

The "Fireman of Funk" Gerry can extinguish the towering inferno of rock music, the burning embers of country music and the smokey aroma of progressive rock without even unfurling the first three feet of his hose. Once he's got his engine pumping and he's perched high on the top rung of his ladder of love, he squirts torrent after torrent of high octave pleasure leaving audiences awash with his unique blend of horny funk.

Stewart Smith - Keyboards

Stewart's meteoric rise in the funk industry is as well documented as it is unparalleled. As you can see from this rare picture of his unblurred hands, he is now using the black keys as well as the white ones. There ain't no stoppin him now........He's gonna have a funky good time..........

Craig Smith - Saxophone

Craig has got more keys up his sleeve than a grand piano and he will give you a much needed shot in the arm of pure jazz funk. He always finds a rich vein and after he has injected you with his soul vaccination you will be immune to folk music. No need to call the nurse, he's already written your prescription to get down and boogie. The Doctor of funk is in the house.

Monique MacKenzie- Vocals

Pin your ears back and get ready for our fabulous antipodean singer Monique!! She will infect you with her infectious enthusiasm, amaze you with her amazing voice, beguile you with her beguiling charm and penetrate you with her penetrating eyes. With more harmonies in her than a barber shop quartet, what's not to like?

Bruce Wallace - Trombone

Bruce completes our horn section with his no nonsense approach which lasts until his fifth whisky when his approach turns in to complete nonsense. Forever complaining that the drums are not loud enough, he brings a dry overtone to an otherwise moist front line. It just doesn't come any funkier than this.

Niall Scott - Guitar

Simply a god of funk, Niall's monster riffs are famous throughout most of DD and AB postcodes. Even his fetching smile cannot distract agast onlookers from his devastatiing rhythm guitar and outrageous solos. With more amplification than they had for the whole of Woodstock, you won't miss a note........