Niall Scott - Guitar

Simply a god of funk, Niall's monster riffs are famous throughout most of DD and AB postcodes. Even his fetching smile cannot distract agast onlookers from his devastating rhythm guitar and outrageous solos. With more amplification than they had for the whole of Woodstock, you never miss a note......

Lisa Paterson- Singer

Famous for keeping all other band members updated with current perspirational and flatulant issues before during and after gigs, Lisa is loved by all of us for her charming disregard for modesty and dignity. Her personal hygiene is second to none and with the right lighting audiences find her pleasing on the eye providing she stands quite close to Mike.

Mike Ferrie - Singer

The only real sex appeal in the band, Mike does occasionally complain about the fawning female fans and seemingly endless stream of what could be described as abusive suggestions and offers he has to put up with. Most of the time, though, he puts a brave face on it. Please visit our frequently asked questions section for more information in particular abput Mike's skincare regime.......

Dave MacIntosh - Bass

Know as Desperate Davy by friends, enemies, lovers and his care worker, he is allowed out of the special unit twice a month to perform outrageous acts of extreme funkiness. The only known way to measure the magnitude of his seismic bass playing is on the richter scale of funk:

Andy Davie - Drums

With personal heroes like Brian May and Barry Manilow, and strongly influenced by Michael Keaton's interpretation of Batman, no-one really knows why Andy plays the drums. Best kept as low in the mix as possible with plenty of tambourine , shakers,vibro-slap and clapping from the singers to drown him out - easier said than done.

Gerry Dawson - Trumpet

The "Fireman of Funk" Gerry can extinguish the towering inferno of Rock Music, the burning embers of Country Music and the smokey aroma of Progressive Rock without even unfurling the first three feet of his hose. Once he's got his engine pumping and he's perched high on the top rung of his ladder of love, he squirts torrent after torrent of high octave pleasure leaving his audiences awash with his unique blend of horny funk.

Stewart Smith - Keyboards

Stewart's meteoric rise in the funk industry is as well documented as it is unparalleled. As you can see from this rare picture of his unblurred hands, he is now using the white keys as well as the black ones. There ain't no stopping him now.....He's gonna have a funky good time.....   

Gareth Kerr - Saxophone

Despite his outrageous trousers Gareth does in fact take himself seriously as a funk musician. Using only his shiny conical horn he has been known to bring some of the female members of the audience to their knees as they respond to every nuance of his mouthpiece. The effects become too much for some as he wreaks havoc with the full force of his electronic gadgetry causing some of the more fainthearted to be carried out completely spent and satiated.

Gillian Leiper - Keyboards

Gillian combines the rare talents of singing and keyboarding all at the same time. Her keys give us a string section to help out with those giant soul and disco classics from Rose Royce to the Jackson 5. She can fairly belt out those massive orchestral arrangements, but given half a chance she legs it round the front and sings as well. She can also rub her tummy and pat her head at the same time..........amazing

Joe Leonard - Trombone

Joe completes our horn section with his warm and mellow tones. A bit like a fine cigar........delicate but full of flavour, smooth and easy with a woody-vanilla overtone laced with creamy caramel. It just doesn't come any funkier than this.